3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
