So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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