I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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