dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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