I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
