he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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