My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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