Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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