I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
did you just send me my own nude
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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