just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
