I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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