I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
