After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
