everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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