11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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