Duck Duck Cougar?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
