My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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