if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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