He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You dont lie about slip and slides
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
