remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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