WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
