I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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