I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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