3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
