no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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