If that was your dad, he is hot
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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