Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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