first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize