Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
