where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
