so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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