We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
