Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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