i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
