dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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