Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
