You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
