Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
