I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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