what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
