Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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