...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
