you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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