oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
