I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
