do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
