dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
