i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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