We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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