He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
