yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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