My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
