First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is the high leading the old right now
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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