grandma shit on top of the toilet
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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