I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
