Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
wow bdsm is so cute
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