I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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