I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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