Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
