Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
