Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
