never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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