Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
