Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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