I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
