So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
