And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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