got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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