Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Holy shit dude........stairs
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